Quest for Clarity

Making sense of life, the Universe and Myself.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

golden years

I have to admit that I have a wonderful life. I am just about always happy. Joyful, even.
However, I do have the little problem with the

(These are the internalized 'voices' that tell me I am no good, am doing it wrong,deserve to be punished, am causing harm to others, will never be loved, etc.)

I am getting better at dealing with them and, I hope to be able to do it without having to take time it like it without thinking about it.
For the past 5 years I have been at their mercy. Almost every thing I do is viciously attacked by these figments. It has taken me these years to be able to deal with them graciously.

I guess it's a good skill.

Anyway, I just want to express my gratitude for life, and am looking forward to greater participation in the future.

I was trying to sort stuff out before I wrote it here. I guess that was because some people told me they were reading it. I guess I got nervous and stopped writing here and was using my paper journal instead. But I think it would be better if I just wrote here.
For me it is important to stop hiding. Even if I am criticised, it is ok.

If I am forthcoming about the things I think about and do, that can only be healthy.
I always imagine a chorus of critics tearing my work to shreds, though. There is some empirical basis for this belief. But so what? I am what I am and I do the best I can where am at.


  • At Monday, February 6, 2006 at 10:03:00 AM EST, Anonymous Sari said…


    I salute you for trying not to "hide." I struggle with this in my work. Instead of publishing works of my own, I often resort to ghost-writing. I am inspired by your courage to stop being a "ghost" of a writer.

  • At Tuesday, February 7, 2006 at 11:06:00 AM EST, Blogger jean said…

    You know,
    Sari the problem with non-ghosting is that it opens one up to all sorts of sniping and criticism, which I, as well as you, wish to avoid.
    It seems to me that you avoid it by being as perfect as possible so they have nothing to complain about.
    I tried this for a limited time but it didn't work, because there is always something "they" can complain about, and really , you can't win. It's like the lyrics of Ricky Nelson's "Garden Party"
    "Well it's all right now
    Learned my lesson well
    You see, you can't please everyone
    So you've gotta please yourself."


Post a Comment

<< Home